Bukowski.

*PREVIOUS NOTE! NAMES WERE CHANGED!*
Date: April 13th, 2011
Day of Week: Wednesday
Location: Chem
Countdown: 59

I went to the Starry Plough in Berkeley last night and it was awesome! So many amazing people and familiar faces (from the last time I went)! Tim and I arrived late and had to go last, yet again, but we didn't mind. It's always a pleasure to stay and watch such talented and passionate musicians. Plus I won a free drink! Holla!
Forrest Day, a phenomenal artist/band was there again last night. They were there when I went a couple of weeks ago. I love their music. He's playing at the Great American Theater in San Francisco if you'd like to see their amazing-ness for yourself.
There was a man from Alabama who was absolutely great! Silky-voiced, sexy-ish, R&B-like music that made my whole body tingle. Oh yea. He's that good. I bought 2 CDs from him for ten bucks. One for me and one my friend, Melaney, who I owe a lot of "burn-outs" to. I don't really smoke anymore so I repay her with random gifts. She was genuinely happy I bought it for her. Melaney is awesome. We're Geminis and yea, sure, it's lame, but it's awesome to us. We bond over our similar reactions and thoughts and when she thanks me, I always know she really means it. Gemini's don't say thanks a lot. They expect a lot of things, which isn't a good thing and I am working on it, but whenever you go out of your way to please them, they are truly grateful.
Anyways...back to the Starry Plough.
Sex seemed to be a reoccurring theme of the night. There was a contest for a Free Drink and you had to either have the best joke or best terrible sex story. It was hilarious. The girl who won had the most terrible/funny sex story a person could probably ever have. She was getting it on with her new boyfriend and he flips her over to begin doggie style and all of the sudden he goes flaccid. She turns around and ask what's up and watches him pull out a long strand of toilet paper from her butt cheeks! "Apparently I use a lot of toilet paper when I 'freshen up'!"
Another girl came close to winning as well. She's about to have sex for the first time with this guy she's been dating for awhile. So they're making out on the couch and things are about to move to the next level and then...he whispers in her ear, "I'm sooo wet."
...Interpret that however you like.
Tim and I were discussing the possible reasons why that man would say such a confusing thing. She never really explained it...
Here's what we came up with:
-he could be a transvestite
-meant to say, "YOU'RE so wet."
-came in his pants
-still wet from the shower
-sweaty
-spilled something on himself
-he's aqua man

I like to think he's aqua man.

As the night continued as did the sex jokes.
When I went up, I thought it was only necessary to perform my sex song, "Stay Hush." Granted it's not dirty and it emphasizes the beauty and love aspects of sex, but still I got a lot of shouts and hoots on the more "raunchy" phrases. Afterwords I was told to write more sex songs because I'm way too sexy not to.

It was a great night.


I keep fighting out about this boy in my head. Long battle short...I'm vulnerable as hell and even though he says he loves me, I don't believe him. He can do so much better than me. Someone older, prettier, with bigger boobs, more fun, more not-as-crazy. He deserves better than me. Sure, I sound like I'm fishing for compliments, but I'm not. I'm fishing for happiness. If a need to take my hook out of his fish-mouth and set him free then I will.
See everyone likes the bait part. The new scent, scrumptious taste, and delirious satisfaction. But no one likes the hook part. Stuck, committed, floundering. Maybe some, it's a bad analogy for relationships. I don't mind the hook part if you just put me in a fish bowl after instead of eating me. There. A slight amendment to the analogy.
Enough about that. It'll all be okay.
My new philosophy; everything will be okay. We constantly freak out, analyze too much, and complicate stupid, meaningless shit when really if we all just breathe and calm down and take a look at the big picture, we'll realize it'll all be okay. Y
You wanna go the store?
Yes.
Wanna get me a Snickers if I pay you?
Naw.
Okay.

We confuse wants with needs. Also if there are two different wants in the situation, shit just blows up! Well...in my friend group at least.
Yo, I think I'm gonna go home.
Why don't you ever wanna hang out?! Don't you wanna kick it with me? Don't be lame!
I'll kick it with you tomorrow. You're with other people anyways. You'll still ahev fun.
But I want you here!
Well I don't want me here.
And it goes on and on.

Now if we just thought...hey...it'll be okay!
Yo, I think I'm gonna go home.
Why, you all good?
Yea, just not feelin it tonight.
Fasho. Rain check.
Yea, I'll hit you up.
Peace.


Well that was quite ooookay, wouldn't you say?




Location: Media Center

I'm reading about Bukowski and flipping through all of his poems.
http://www.poemhunter.com/charles-bukowski/poems/

All of them are pretty striking, but check this one out:

As The Sparrow

To give life you must take life,
and as our grief falls flat and hollow
upon the billion-blooded sea
I pass upon serious inward-breaking shoals rimmed
with white-legged, white-bellied rotting creatures
lengthily dead and rioting against surrounding scenes.
Dear child, I only did to you what the sparrow
did to you; I am old when it is fashionable to be
young; I cry when it is fashionable to laugh.
I hated you when it would have taken less courage
to love.

Charles Bukowski


huh...